My last blog about birthday parties was primarily about how my children have been receiving invites to friends' parties since they were 3 - which I find to be too young. This time it's about how elaborate these parties are.
My birthday parties as a kid were family affairs and pretty low key - TONS of fun, but nothing compared to what goes on now. (Have you seen My Super Sweet 16?) I must admit that I am guilty of overdoing it on occasion:
Exhibit A: When my son turned 1 we had pony rides in the driveway - I know, over the top.
Exhibit B: When my daughter turned 2 we rented a bouncy castle, had a pig roast, and I needed to take an extra day off to prepare for 50 of our closest family and friends.
My only defense (weak as it may be) is that I want my kids to remember their birthday plus my husband and I don't entertain very often so I use the kids' birthday parties as an opportunity to go a little crazy. I've stopped doing that because it finally dawned on me that, at 1 and 2 - even 3, 4, or 5+, the kids can't really appreciate everything that goes into a party (or even remember it), and they're so excited they don't eat anything other than the frosting off their cake. So I stopped.
The parties my children attend for their friends are incredible. From bouncing centers (large warehouse filled with 10 different bouncy things) and petting zoos with performing animals to Chuck E. Cheese and costume bowling parties. As if the entertainment, fun food, and celebrating with their friends isn't enough, they always come home with a "goodie" bag - since when did children need swag? Why should my children get gifts for coming to another child's birthday party. Yes, it's a nice sentiment, but why? Personally I've never sent home goodie bags, it's not that I don't appreciate the friends that come to the party, we just send thank you notes.
As my children get older we will start having more "friend only" parties, however I think I'll limit it to 3 friends plus my child - 4 seems like a manageable number to me. Most of the parties my children go to have anywhere between 10 to 20 kids there. Wow! Even with other parents to help there's no way I could manage that many children at a bowling center, pretty sure I couldn't manage 20 five-year olds at my house - what if it rains that day! Plus I want my children to enjoy their friends that are there and appreciate the party. So, how do you handle your childrens' birthday parties - all out or low key?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Old changes
My son said today that he was going to get a cane when he got old - like 40. I'm not too far from 40, but my husband is closer so I said "What? Daddy's almost 40 and he doesn't need a cane!" To which he replied, okay when I'm really old like 50!
Age is just a number, I truly believe that it's all in how old you feel! Mentally I'm in my mid twenties. My parents will never age past 55 in my mind and my sister will always be 30. Don't ask me why, but that's where I froze everyone in time.
The other side to age is that when we're young like elementary school through high school we can't wait for our birthdays. Just can't wait to turn another year older and become an adult. My kids start asking about their next birthday the day after their birthday each year. It drives me nuts! Of course, turning 10 is huge-the whole double digits begins. 16 is momentus with the driver's license, closely followed by 18 - officially an adult, and the big one 21-leagal drinking age! Somewhere around 26 when we hit our "late 20's" birthdays become less fun for most people. Me, I'm going to start taking my kids' view and really look forward to celebrating each year of my life and making the most of each birth day.
Age is just a number, I truly believe that it's all in how old you feel! Mentally I'm in my mid twenties. My parents will never age past 55 in my mind and my sister will always be 30. Don't ask me why, but that's where I froze everyone in time.
The other side to age is that when we're young like elementary school through high school we can't wait for our birthdays. Just can't wait to turn another year older and become an adult. My kids start asking about their next birthday the day after their birthday each year. It drives me nuts! Of course, turning 10 is huge-the whole double digits begins. 16 is momentus with the driver's license, closely followed by 18 - officially an adult, and the big one 21-leagal drinking age! Somewhere around 26 when we hit our "late 20's" birthdays become less fun for most people. Me, I'm going to start taking my kids' view and really look forward to celebrating each year of my life and making the most of each birth day.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Necessary Evil: The bus
It seems like the school bus environment hasn't changed much since I was riding it. Unfortunately, it is a necessary evil, how else can parents make sure their kids are getting to and from school? I remember being in second grade and being absolutely terrified of getting pick on my older kids, as I became one of the older kids I remember hating have to sit on the stinky, crowded, bumpy, poorly ventilated, bus being irritated by younger kids kicking the back of the seat. Not to mention the grumpy, rude bus driver.
Before my son started kindergarten he couldn't wait to take the bus, that lasted 1 week. Then he began begging me to drive him to school and pick him up because the driver was mean, not to mention the bigger kids pushed him around. It wasn't too long before I received a noticed that he was misbehaving on the bus, but since he was a kindergartner he'd just get a warning. A few months later he was suspended from the bus for a day. What grievous deed did my five year old execute? He stood up on the bus before it came to a complete stop. WHAT? The no tolerance policy means that you get one warning and then you lose privileges. However, when I called the bus company to complain that my son was being bullied into sitting with a 2nd grade girl who was also kissing him on the bus, I was told, "oh he'll be fine, he's a boy." Again, WHAT???? I'm sure if my son was forcing a girl to sit with him and kissing her, he'd lose the "privilege" to ride the bus for the rest of his life. Add in the extremely colorful vocabulary he's picked up riding the bus, the bus driver that throws out "approved" toys just because, and the bullies that pick on kids for everything from their back packs to their height and if I could figure out a way to get my son to and from school without the bus I'd do it. I've given up talking to the bus company as they have NO interest in working with the parents. The dispatcher or whoever answers the phone is rude and obnoxious no matter who I call I get attitude. So, why bother? Of course the bus drivers are rude to the children and parents as well. The school principal sides with the bus company and there is absolutely no recourse for a parent to take. I can't believe this is acceptable. I know I'm not alone, I've talked to other parents at the school, and quite frankly parents of children in different school districts - its the same everywhere. If you've had any luck with improving the bus system at your school, PLEASE advise.
Before my son started kindergarten he couldn't wait to take the bus, that lasted 1 week. Then he began begging me to drive him to school and pick him up because the driver was mean, not to mention the bigger kids pushed him around. It wasn't too long before I received a noticed that he was misbehaving on the bus, but since he was a kindergartner he'd just get a warning. A few months later he was suspended from the bus for a day. What grievous deed did my five year old execute? He stood up on the bus before it came to a complete stop. WHAT? The no tolerance policy means that you get one warning and then you lose privileges. However, when I called the bus company to complain that my son was being bullied into sitting with a 2nd grade girl who was also kissing him on the bus, I was told, "oh he'll be fine, he's a boy." Again, WHAT???? I'm sure if my son was forcing a girl to sit with him and kissing her, he'd lose the "privilege" to ride the bus for the rest of his life. Add in the extremely colorful vocabulary he's picked up riding the bus, the bus driver that throws out "approved" toys just because, and the bullies that pick on kids for everything from their back packs to their height and if I could figure out a way to get my son to and from school without the bus I'd do it. I've given up talking to the bus company as they have NO interest in working with the parents. The dispatcher or whoever answers the phone is rude and obnoxious no matter who I call I get attitude. So, why bother? Of course the bus drivers are rude to the children and parents as well. The school principal sides with the bus company and there is absolutely no recourse for a parent to take. I can't believe this is acceptable. I know I'm not alone, I've talked to other parents at the school, and quite frankly parents of children in different school districts - its the same everywhere. If you've had any luck with improving the bus system at your school, PLEASE advise.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
BIRTHDAY PARTIES PART 1-
WHAT AGE DO YOU START AND STOP HAVING “FRIEND PARTIES”
Wow- have birthday parties changed since I was a kid. I think I was in 2nd grade when I got my first invitation to a school friend’s birthday party. And I probably averaged about one or two a year until 8th grade. The early grade school parties were held at the friend’s home, pizza, some games (pin the tail on the donkey, bing bag toss), followed by cake, ice cream and gift opening. I have no idea how long they lasted, I’m guessing about 2 hours. I did go to one party at McDonald’s and that was a BIG deal. By fourth grade the friend parties were usually sleep-overs with about 4 girls and the parents would order in pizza and we’d stay up late watching Fantasy Island and The Love Boat. I think I went to my last birthday “party” in 6th grade, might’ve even been 5th. After that they weren’t official parties with cake and ice cream and all that, it was more just close friends doing whatever junior high girls did in the 80’s –recording Duran Duran and Boy George songs off the radio, eating pizza, talking about boys, going to a movie.
Chase received his first birthday party invitation when he was three, his friend from daycare was turning 3 and the party was at McDonald’s. No, he didn’t attend. I just felt he was too young. Yes, parties are fun and social and all that, but 3? Julia attended four birthday parties last year, she’s only 4 and she doesn’t want me hanging around until the party is over either. By the way, these parties have all been destination parties; Chuck E. Cheese, bowling centers, McDonald’s, inflatable jumping thing centers, gymnastic studios, with anywhere from 8 to 20 kids attending. I always ask the parent when responding if they want me to stay or leave and they usually say “whatever you want” if there is a standard protocol for parents at these destination parties I don’t know what it is. So, what is the right age to start having friend parties? And, since it seems children starting to have parties at younger ages, does that mean they stop at 4th grade?
Wow- have birthday parties changed since I was a kid. I think I was in 2nd grade when I got my first invitation to a school friend’s birthday party. And I probably averaged about one or two a year until 8th grade. The early grade school parties were held at the friend’s home, pizza, some games (pin the tail on the donkey, bing bag toss), followed by cake, ice cream and gift opening. I have no idea how long they lasted, I’m guessing about 2 hours. I did go to one party at McDonald’s and that was a BIG deal. By fourth grade the friend parties were usually sleep-overs with about 4 girls and the parents would order in pizza and we’d stay up late watching Fantasy Island and The Love Boat. I think I went to my last birthday “party” in 6th grade, might’ve even been 5th. After that they weren’t official parties with cake and ice cream and all that, it was more just close friends doing whatever junior high girls did in the 80’s –recording Duran Duran and Boy George songs off the radio, eating pizza, talking about boys, going to a movie.
Chase received his first birthday party invitation when he was three, his friend from daycare was turning 3 and the party was at McDonald’s. No, he didn’t attend. I just felt he was too young. Yes, parties are fun and social and all that, but 3? Julia attended four birthday parties last year, she’s only 4 and she doesn’t want me hanging around until the party is over either. By the way, these parties have all been destination parties; Chuck E. Cheese, bowling centers, McDonald’s, inflatable jumping thing centers, gymnastic studios, with anywhere from 8 to 20 kids attending. I always ask the parent when responding if they want me to stay or leave and they usually say “whatever you want” if there is a standard protocol for parents at these destination parties I don’t know what it is. So, what is the right age to start having friend parties? And, since it seems children starting to have parties at younger ages, does that mean they stop at 4th grade?
The Difference Between Puppies & Babies
The other day, a recently engaged friend of mine in his mid-twenties mentioned that he really wants kids, so they got a puppy for “practice.” It was all I could do NOT to burst into hysterical laughter, because he was so totally and completely serious that I didn’t want to freak him out, but a reality check was definitely in order. I tried to gently explain the difference and got a lot of “Yeah, but I have to get up to let her out at night. Yeah, but I have to take her to the vet. Yeah, but her food and treats are expensive. Yeah, but… Yeah but… “ Yeah, but if you’re thinking about kids you should have a basic sense of responsibility required to care for your puppy. So, here is my lighthearted (but true) list of how owning a puppy in no way prepares you for parenthood:
1. You cannot crate train your baby.
2. You cannot open the patio door and shoo the baby outside to “do their business.”
3. The worst case of worms in a puppy doesn’t come CLOSE to caring for a baby with colic.
4. You can’t just throw some formula in a bowl on the floor for your baby.
5. Huge price difference between puppy food (even the raw organic stuff) and formula, rice cereal, baby food, and bottles.
6. You cannot swat your baby with a rolled up newspaper – EVER!
7. Full time infant care costs WAY more than dog sitting.
8. There’s no such thing as an “outside baby.”
9. Cribs and bassinets cost way more than a dog bed.
10. You can’t give the baby back to the breeder if you decide it’s too much work.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to discourage him from having kids, in fact, I think he’ll make a great dad someday. My point is that I think a lot of people who don’t have children are under some misguided idea that owning a puppy is like going to school to become a parent, and it’s not just guys. Shortly, after I had Chase, my recently married neighbor in her thirties stopped by to see him and said “Oh, we want kids, too but we’ll get a dog first.” Maybe it was the post birth hormones, but I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper. I don’t know where this comes from, or why they think it’s so, but it appears to be a common belief. Nothing really prepares you for the love, joy, heartache, and stress that come with being a parent. Not babysitting, not being a nanny, not even owning a puppy. Because the depth of love you feel for your child will blow away how much you’ve ever loved anything else in your life, even your dog. Don’t you agree?
1. You cannot crate train your baby.
2. You cannot open the patio door and shoo the baby outside to “do their business.”
3. The worst case of worms in a puppy doesn’t come CLOSE to caring for a baby with colic.
4. You can’t just throw some formula in a bowl on the floor for your baby.
5. Huge price difference between puppy food (even the raw organic stuff) and formula, rice cereal, baby food, and bottles.
6. You cannot swat your baby with a rolled up newspaper – EVER!
7. Full time infant care costs WAY more than dog sitting.
8. There’s no such thing as an “outside baby.”
9. Cribs and bassinets cost way more than a dog bed.
10. You can’t give the baby back to the breeder if you decide it’s too much work.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to discourage him from having kids, in fact, I think he’ll make a great dad someday. My point is that I think a lot of people who don’t have children are under some misguided idea that owning a puppy is like going to school to become a parent, and it’s not just guys. Shortly, after I had Chase, my recently married neighbor in her thirties stopped by to see him and said “Oh, we want kids, too but we’ll get a dog first.” Maybe it was the post birth hormones, but I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper. I don’t know where this comes from, or why they think it’s so, but it appears to be a common belief. Nothing really prepares you for the love, joy, heartache, and stress that come with being a parent. Not babysitting, not being a nanny, not even owning a puppy. Because the depth of love you feel for your child will blow away how much you’ve ever loved anything else in your life, even your dog. Don’t you agree?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
WILL MY BABIES REMEMBER ME?
That’s the question kept running through my head… It all started with a weird and unusual pain in my stomach and an even weirder arm pain a week before Christmas. I dismissed it as “stress, holiday food, whatever”. My best friend made me go to the doctor who ordered an EKG, blood work (both of which came back fine) followed by an upper GI ultrasound, that didn’t turn out so fine. I saw two “spots” on my liver and the chatty technician became very quiet while she zoomed in and took pictures of these spots then parted with “someone will call you with the results.” I told my husband (okay, cried hysterically into the phone is more accurate) and we decided to hold off saying anything to family until we knew more. Finally, the doctor called to tell me what I already knew “you’ve got some spots on your liver and I’m ordering an MRI, you need to call to get in ASAP. It could be a cluster of blood cells or something else…” I was hit by a wave of panic and dread ‘something else?” I had been hoping I imagined seeing the spots or that everyone has spots on their liver. Was I over reacting? Maybe, but there is cancer in my family, my mom is a survivor, closely related cousins, uncles, grandmother; breast cancer, thyroid cancer, pancreatic cancer, melanoma, colon cancer, it’s there and it scares me. And while the internet is a wonderful resource, it didn’t do much to calm my fears about spots on the liver or liver cancer.
I think I averaged about 3 hours of intermittent sleep per night over the past 20 days waiting for the doctor to call and test results to be relayed. Holidays and weekends are not your friend when you’re waiting to find out what those “spots” really are. From the time Chase was a baby my husband always said (jokingly) “nothing can ever happen to you, if it does our kids are screwed with me for a dad.” He’s a great dad, he loves our kids, and he works very hard to provide for our family. But, when it comes to patience and the day to day stuff, the emotional stuff, the cuddling on the sofa, weekly tickle fights, organizing family fun nights, vacations, trips to the zoo/water park/play dates, planning birthday parties, baths, grocery shopping, cooking, trying new foods, helping with homework, registering for school, talking to teachers, signing up for t-ball/ballet/basketball/football, tucking them in at bedtime, buying clothes, cleaning out closets, building snowmen, getting to school – that’s me. If something happens to me, who would do these things?
They’re so young, would they even remember me by the time they started middle school? Would Julia remember me singing the “sunshine song” to her every night? Would Chase remember eating cheese and crackers while we watch “The Tonight Show” after everyone else is sleeping when we’re on vacation? Would they know how much I loved them and how hard I tried to be a good mommy? Of course, we didn’t say anything to the children, but it’s funny how they just pick up on things. Chase would snuggle up to me and say out of the blue “I just want to keep you forever Mom, I just love you so much you, don’t even know.” Julia became my constant shadow, never out of eyesight and calling out “Mom? Mom? Where are you?” if I walked down the hall or around the corner.
My mind went in all different directions and all of them were scary. If I’m gone and something happens to Tony, then what? Who would want to take in our children? My sister? My parents? Tony’s sister? My best friend? Who would raise them like we would? Tony and I have talked about this several times in the past, but how do you decide who to ask to raise your children? We’re healthy and young, so, we never asked anyone. Finally, the doctor called with the test results; I have two benign liver hemangiomas. I’m so thankful for this GREAT news. This health situation gave my husband and I a lot to think about. Do you have a plan for your children in the event of your death or terminal illness and how did you decide who to ask?
I think I averaged about 3 hours of intermittent sleep per night over the past 20 days waiting for the doctor to call and test results to be relayed. Holidays and weekends are not your friend when you’re waiting to find out what those “spots” really are. From the time Chase was a baby my husband always said (jokingly) “nothing can ever happen to you, if it does our kids are screwed with me for a dad.” He’s a great dad, he loves our kids, and he works very hard to provide for our family. But, when it comes to patience and the day to day stuff, the emotional stuff, the cuddling on the sofa, weekly tickle fights, organizing family fun nights, vacations, trips to the zoo/water park/play dates, planning birthday parties, baths, grocery shopping, cooking, trying new foods, helping with homework, registering for school, talking to teachers, signing up for t-ball/ballet/basketball/football, tucking them in at bedtime, buying clothes, cleaning out closets, building snowmen, getting to school – that’s me. If something happens to me, who would do these things?
They’re so young, would they even remember me by the time they started middle school? Would Julia remember me singing the “sunshine song” to her every night? Would Chase remember eating cheese and crackers while we watch “The Tonight Show” after everyone else is sleeping when we’re on vacation? Would they know how much I loved them and how hard I tried to be a good mommy? Of course, we didn’t say anything to the children, but it’s funny how they just pick up on things. Chase would snuggle up to me and say out of the blue “I just want to keep you forever Mom, I just love you so much you, don’t even know.” Julia became my constant shadow, never out of eyesight and calling out “Mom? Mom? Where are you?” if I walked down the hall or around the corner.
My mind went in all different directions and all of them were scary. If I’m gone and something happens to Tony, then what? Who would want to take in our children? My sister? My parents? Tony’s sister? My best friend? Who would raise them like we would? Tony and I have talked about this several times in the past, but how do you decide who to ask to raise your children? We’re healthy and young, so, we never asked anyone. Finally, the doctor called with the test results; I have two benign liver hemangiomas. I’m so thankful for this GREAT news. This health situation gave my husband and I a lot to think about. Do you have a plan for your children in the event of your death or terminal illness and how did you decide who to ask?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Difference Between Puppies & Babies
The other day, a recently engaged friend of mine in his mid-twenties mentioned that he really wants kids, so they got a puppy for “practice.” It was all I could do NOT to burst into hysterical laughter, because he was so totally and completely serious that I didn’t want to freak him out, but a reality check was definitely in order. I tried to gently explain the difference and got a lot of “Yeah, but I have to get up to let her out at night. Yeah, but I have to take her to the vet. Yeah, but her food and treats are expensive. Yeah, but… Yeah but… “ Yeah, but if you’re thinking about kids you should have a basic sense of responsibility required to care for your puppy. So, here is my lighthearted (but true) list of how owning a puppy in no way prepares you for parenthood:
1. You cannot crate train your baby.
2. You cannot open the patio door and shoo the baby outside to “do their business.”
3. The worst case of worms in a puppy doesn’t come CLOSE to caring for a baby with colic.
4. You can’t just throw some formula in a bowl on the floor for your baby.
5. Huge price difference between puppy food (even the raw organic stuff) and formula, rice cereal, baby food, and bottles.
6. You cannot swat your baby with a rolled up newspaper – EVER!
7. Full time infant care costs WAY more than dog sitting.
8. There’s no such thing as an “outside baby.”
9. Cribs and bassinets cost way more than a dog bed.
10. You can’t give the baby back to the breeder if you decide it’s too much work.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to discourage him from having kids, in fact, I think he’ll make a great dad someday. My point is that I think a lot of people who don’t have children are under some misguided idea that owning a puppy is like going to school to become a parent, and it’s not just guys. Shortly, after I had Chase, my recently married neighbor in her thirties stopped by to see him and said “Oh, we want kids, too but we’ll get a dog first.” Maybe it was the post birth hormones, but I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper. I don’t know where this comes from, or why they think it’s so, but it appears to be a common belief. Nothing really prepares you for the love, joy, heartache, and stress that come with being a parent. Not babysitting, not being a nanny, not even owning a puppy. Because the depth of love you feel for your child will blow away how much you’ve ever loved anything else in your life, even your dog. Don’t you agree?
1. You cannot crate train your baby.
2. You cannot open the patio door and shoo the baby outside to “do their business.”
3. The worst case of worms in a puppy doesn’t come CLOSE to caring for a baby with colic.
4. You can’t just throw some formula in a bowl on the floor for your baby.
5. Huge price difference between puppy food (even the raw organic stuff) and formula, rice cereal, baby food, and bottles.
6. You cannot swat your baby with a rolled up newspaper – EVER!
7. Full time infant care costs WAY more than dog sitting.
8. There’s no such thing as an “outside baby.”
9. Cribs and bassinets cost way more than a dog bed.
10. You can’t give the baby back to the breeder if you decide it’s too much work.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to discourage him from having kids, in fact, I think he’ll make a great dad someday. My point is that I think a lot of people who don’t have children are under some misguided idea that owning a puppy is like going to school to become a parent, and it’s not just guys. Shortly, after I had Chase, my recently married neighbor in her thirties stopped by to see him and said “Oh, we want kids, too but we’ll get a dog first.” Maybe it was the post birth hormones, but I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper. I don’t know where this comes from, or why they think it’s so, but it appears to be a common belief. Nothing really prepares you for the love, joy, heartache, and stress that come with being a parent. Not babysitting, not being a nanny, not even owning a puppy. Because the depth of love you feel for your child will blow away how much you’ve ever loved anything else in your life, even your dog. Don’t you agree?
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