The Difference Between Puppies & Babies

The other day, a recently engaged friend of mine in his mid-twenties mentioned that he really wants kids, so they got a puppy for “practice.” It was all I could do NOT to burst into hysterical laughter, because he was so totally and completely serious that I didn’t want to freak him out, but a reality check was definitely in order. I tried to gently explain the difference and got a lot of “Yeah, but I have to get up to let her out at night. Yeah, but I have to take her to the vet. Yeah, but her food and treats are expensive. Yeah, but… Yeah but… “ Yeah, but if you’re thinking about kids you should have a basic sense of responsibility required to care for your puppy. So, here is my lighthearted (but true) list of how owning a puppy in no way prepares you for parenthood:
1. You cannot crate train your baby.
2. You cannot open the patio door and shoo the baby outside to “do their business.”
3. The worst case of worms in a puppy doesn’t come CLOSE to caring for a baby with colic.
4. You can’t just throw some formula in a bowl on the floor for your baby.
5. Huge price difference between puppy food (even the raw organic stuff) and formula, rice cereal, baby food, and bottles.
6. You cannot swat your baby with a rolled up newspaper – EVER!
7. Full time infant care costs WAY more than dog sitting.
8. There’s no such thing as an “outside baby.”
9. Cribs and bassinets cost way more than a dog bed.
10. You can’t give the baby back to the breeder if you decide it’s too much work.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not want to discourage him from having kids, in fact, I think he’ll make a great dad someday. My point is that I think a lot of people who don’t have children are under some misguided idea that owning a puppy is like going to school to become a parent, and it’s not just guys. Shortly, after I had Chase, my recently married neighbor in her thirties stopped by to see him and said “Oh, we want kids, too but we’ll get a dog first.” Maybe it was the post birth hormones, but I almost hit her with a rolled up newspaper. I don’t know where this comes from, or why they think it’s so, but it appears to be a common belief. Nothing really prepares you for the love, joy, heartache, and stress that come with being a parent. Not babysitting, not being a nanny, not even owning a puppy. Because the depth of love you feel for your child will blow away how much you’ve ever loved anything else in your life, even your dog. Don’t you agree?